


Sound in Silence

by fauxtales



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Anxiety, Character Study, Established Relationship, Fluff, Found Family, Healthy Coping Mechanisms, Healthy Relationships, Implied Sensory Issues, M/M, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Recovery, implied PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:27:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27742225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fauxtales/pseuds/fauxtales
Summary: Isa doesn't like silence, but he's slowly finding ways to be alone with himself again. Thinking about the past and where they are now is hard too, but even that is slowly getting easier.
Relationships: Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	Sound in Silence

The Twilight Town coffee shop has quickly become one of Isa’s favorite spots. The large windows in the front make the small space feel both open and cozy, without the closeness being too much. The quiet chatter of harried office workers and rambunctious teens makes for just the right background noise for Isa to enjoy his coffee too. The oppressive silence that stifles him in the house sometimes melts away here and, as the fall sun filters through the windows, Isa finds himself more relaxed than he has been in weeks.

Isa never got the chance to discover coffee shops before. He was a teenager who ended up outside more often than not, dragged around by Lea, then joined an evil cult and had his humanity stripped of him before college gave him the time and reason to spend long days in a coffee shop. Now, Isa finds himself here more and more. The atmosphere is so different from the castle he lived in for nearly ten years and it is a comfort to be around the living.

Often, he’ll come here with Lea and the kids. (Isa doesn’t know when he started thinking of them as “the kids” as if they were a family and they were his kids. He can’t say he minds.) Roxas and Xion like to get their coffee and babble away, giving cheerful waves to whatever friends they may see - which is a surprising number these days; Isa swears they know everyone in town at this point - and they’ll often drift to other tables to join said friends in conversation. Lea smiles and jokes with them as well, but he always stays where he’s seated, coffee cupped in his hands as he talks quietly to Isa. Sometimes, he’ll reach across the smooth wood of the table to hold Isa’s hand. Those moments always make Isa smile. They’ll sit for hours like that, talking or watching Roxas and Xion carry on with their lives.

Isa is alone today. Lea went off to Radiant Garden to consult with Even and Ienzo about some keyblade master thing, while Roxas and Xion are out with friends; Isa thinks they said something about the beach. Both groups asked Isa to come with, offering companionship that he has yet to get used to, but Isa refused. Roxas and Xion are difficult for him to be with without Lea still, despite his growing fondness for them. There is still an undercurrent of tension and guilt when he looks at them, the remnants of jealousy that Saïx never resolved. That Isa is still working his way through. As for Lea, Isa dislikes returning to Radiant Garden. He knows Lea doesn't like it much either, and he feels a bit bad for making the redhead go on his own; like Isa’s struggles with Roxas and Xion, Lea has some difficulty overcoming the guilt he feels for killing Vexen and Zexion. It was under Saïx’s orders, but Axel is the one who carried them out, and Lea still wakes from nightmares about it.

Even so, Isa chose to stay behind today. He trusts that if Lea had been feeling uneasy, he would have told Isa; Lea can handle himself. Besides, Isa likes to have a day to himself every once and awhile. Solitude is a natural state for him, and although he may no longer be fond of silence, he still values the moments he gets to himself.

Which is why he goes to the coffee shop. It is far from silent, but within the rush of people coming in and out, within this hub of human activity, Isa can be alone. He has brought a journal with him today - a suggestion from Ienzo that he has been trying to take to heart - although he has yet to write anything in it. Instead, Isa has spent the last hour or so quietly sipping his coffee as he watches the world outside.

Twilight Town is beautiful. Isa has always thought so, although he didn’t truly appreciate it until recently. As a Nobody, he could see it’s objective beauty, the way the architecture created pleasing shapes and how the perpetually setting sun bathed the entire world in a gorgeous red glow. It never held much meaning for him however, beyond being the place that Axel would go with his new friends to abandon him. Now that he lives here, with Lea and the teenagers who are becoming his new family, Isa has a better appreciation for the world.

For all that it is a sleepy little town, Twilight Town is full of life. It’s not the busy, always moving type of life found in other worlds, or the perfectly manicured life of Radiant Garden that Isa remembers from his childhood. No, it is a softer sort of life. The people here are in no hurry. There is no rush to move on to the next task, no need to speed through life with some grand end goal in mind. People live the lives they want at their own pace, surrounded by a community that cares for each other. It seems that every weekend there is some sort of event or project going on to bring the community together and make it a better place. It is never truly quiet here, but never does it become overwhelming.

It’s this balance that Isa has found himself so fond of. Escaping the lifeless silence of the World That Never Was was like finally being allowed to come up for fresh air. Saïx had lived for years in that silence, the loudest sounds being the shouts of fighting nobodies and Axel’s voice raised in frustration. His world was a muffled grey for so long, Isa didn’t think he would be able to exist in a place with other people. Twilight Town ended up being the perfect place, because it allowed him to escape the silence without diving into chaos.

At some point, Isa gets up for a refill of his coffee. He watches the people behind the bar go about their job with expert efficiency, bantering back and forth with each other between asking for orders to be filled and things to be grabbed from the stockroom. For a moment, Isa thinks that perhaps he could do such a job. He has avoided thinking too much about jobs, his focus having been entirely on recovering from the trauma of dying and being reborn as someone new, someone tainted by another, only to die all over again. Joining an evil heart cult really did fuck up the trajectory of his life, when he thinks about it.

Maybe getting a job will help with that. If he has something else to think about, to devote himself to... 

Isa scolds himself inwardly. That’s exactly why he’s not ready for such a step. If he is still looking for something to “devote” himself to, something to consume his life again, then he’s only going to get swept up and overwork himself. Besides, he can’t handle the stress of that yet. He broke down just making dinner the other night when Roxas and Xion had their group of friends over and the kitchen got a bit too loud.

“Isa?”

Isa jolts out of his memory at the sound of his name. The girl behind the counter smiles softly at his wide eyed expression and holds a mug out to him. “Your coffee.”

“Ah, yes. Thank you,” Isa mutters, taking the mug from her. The girl, Mari, is often working when Isa comes in. She has memorized his order by now, and will often have it ready by the time he gets to the counter when he first comes in. Isa is always sure to tip her generously.

“You’re all alone today,” Mari remarks, glancing around Isa at the table he has been holed up at for the past hour and a half. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without at least your husband.”

“My…” Isa feels his face heating up at that. It’s not entirely incorrect, as they have been dating for quite a while now, but he’s still not quite used to other people mentioning it. Nor the idea of actually getting married.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Mari backtracks. “I-I just assumed… I mean, you’re always holding hands and stuff, and with those two teenagers you bring around, well I thought…”

“No, that’s a fair assumption.” Isa takes a sip of his coffee, his voice soft. “We aren’t married though. Yet. I suppose it’s only a matter of time… And the kids aren’t… well, it’s a bit complicated.” Despite the vague and probably confusing explanation, Mari smiles. Isa finds himself returning the gesture.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” Mari glances at the line to make sure no one new has come in. Once she confirms she’s not needed right away, she leans in closer, lowering her voice a bit. “You all just make such a cute family. I hope it works out for you.”

“Me too,” Isa responds, a slight laugh in his voice. Mari grins as she turns back to help another customer, giving Isa a small wave as she goes. Isa waves back and goes to sit back down, smile still playing across his lips.

Is that what they look like to other people? A happy family, spending the day out together? A loving couple, so caught up in each other they don’t notice the baristas behind the counter watching them? It makes Isa feel warm. As if the silence he had wrapped himself in for years is finally melting away to reveal something nicer. Something gentler.

Isa flips open his journal and pulls out his mechanical pencil and starts writing. He records the events of his day so far, jotting down in the most clinical terms possible the nightmare that woke him last night. He writes about the cafe around him and his conversation with Mari. When he gets to his thoughts on his new found family however, his writing stalls out. Isa doesn’t know how to express his feelings on this. They still have such a long way to go, it’s hard to say what they are now. Four people, living together and trying so very hard to be human again. To be human for the first time. To find some sort of normalcy. To tear down the walls of silence between them and live in sound once again.

Isa finds himself doodling on the page rather than writing. It’s something Naminé has encouraged him to do on occasion, as a different way to get the feelings out of his chest. He doesn’t know that he’s any good, but Isa has often found himself sketching Lea as they sit on the sofa together, tracing out the shape of his cheekbones and the spikes of that red hair onto the crisp white of his journal.

The drawing now seems to be taking on that shape as well. It’s an interesting development, their closeness. Isa still has mixed feelings about it at times, remnants of habit from being Saïx and guilt over how he acted in the past. Acted in his jealousy. He doesn’t feel that Lea should have forgiven him as easily as he did. At least with Roxas and Xion it has been a slower development, a gradual building of trust as Isa convinces them that he won’t hurt them and they in turn convince Isa that they believe him. Forgiveness isn’t something Isa expects. He doesn’t think Roxas will ever fully give it, though Xion has seemed to.

Lea however is an entirely different matter. Despite all of the breaking of trust that Isa did - that Lea himself did - Lea still seems to trust Isa unconditionally. He has trusted that Isa is actually trying to make up for his actions at least, and didn’t hesitate to move in together; in fact, Lea pushed the matter far more than Isa did. Most of the time, it seems as if Lea has forgotten their past entirely, as if they grew up as normal and moved to a new town and that’s that. Isa doesn’t quite understand it. He’s grateful nonetheless.

Yet in that gratitude there still lives an anxious seed of doubt. What if Lea is doing all this out of pity or obligation? What if he’s merely been put in charge of watching Isa, to make sure the piece of Xehanort in him has truly died? What if Isa is pressuring him again? It’s the doubts that cause tension between them, Isa’s anxiety springing up at the worst of times and making everything so difficult. Sometimes, he thinks it might be easier to just split up and never see each other again.

Isa’s pencil comes to a stop on his page. He stares down at the image born of his anxious thoughts, halted as he tries to get the expression right. For all his worries, the image he has drawn - the image that he sees most of Lea - is one of joy. He’s drawn most of the expression out of habit and even with the eyes unfinished and the mouth not much more than a thin, undetailed line, it is happy. Lea’s smile seems perpetually in place, something that was suspicious when he was Axel but not anymore. Lea doesn’t smile unless he means it. Isa knows that much. So if he only smiles when he means it, and smiling is the expression Isa sees the most, then…

“Hey, Isa!”

The sound of that voice pulls Isa’s attention like nothing else could. The radiance of that smile banishes any of the lingering doubts in Isa’s mind, if only for the moment. Twilight sun catches on red hair through the window and Isa feels a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“I thought I’d find you here,” Lea says as he pulls the chair out across from Isa and sits down. He reaches for Isa’s free hand immediately, threading their fingers together in a gesture comfortable and comforting and familiar. “You haven’t been bothering Mari too much today, I hope?”

“You’re the only one who ever bothers her,” Isa says, giving Lea’s hand a small squeeze. Lea squeezes back. Isa’s heart flutters in his chest. “Things went well in Radiant Garden then? You’re back earlier than I expected.”

“Ah, yeah, it was faster than I thought.” Lea scratches at the back of his neck, a small laugh escaping. “Ienzo has gotten pretty efficient with these things. I can fill you in on it later if you want, but honestly it’s all pretty boring.” Lea leans forward across the table, his eyes catching on Isa’s open journal. “I’m much more interested in what you’ve been doing all day.”

Isa lays his free hand casually on his drawing. This earns a huff and a pout from Lea, but Isa just smiles. “Drinking coffee and watching the town do it’s business. Nothing much. Roxas and Xion left early, so the house was pretty quiet.”

“Right,” Lea murmurs, his expression softening a bit. He rubs his thumb across Isa’s knuckle, staring down at their entwined fingers. “I know you don’t like that. I’m sorry to leave you alone all day.”

“No, it’s really alright.” Isa shakes his head. As much as he’s grateful for Lea’s concern, being alone wasn’t really the issue. Isa glances around the coffee shop, at Mari behind the bar and the people coming in and out. The bustle of life around him. The smile on Isa’s face is soft and almost sad, but his words are sincere. “I don’t mind being alone. In fact, it’s kind of nice to spend some time here by myself. Getting to see the town in all it’s quiet life is nice. Comforting.”

For a long moment, Lea watches Isa in silence. Isa has no idea what he could be thinking and he doesn’t try to guess. Lea will either understand or he won’t. Either way, Isa is sure he’ll respect it.

“...Yeah, I get that,” Lea says finally. “That place was pretty lifeless, huh.”

“It was.”

They stay in the coffee shop for another hour. Lea orders coffee and Isa catches the knowing smile on Mari’s face as she hands it to him. The sketch of Lea in Isa’s journal fills out slowly as they talk and Isa scratches at the page, idly adding details. Once Lea has finished his coffee, he stretches and stands, holding his hand out to Isa. “Shall we go for a walk? I think the farmer’s market might still be open. We can see a different flavor of town life there.”

Isa packs up his things and takes Lea’s hand. The smile on his lips feels infectious and his body feels warm. “I think I would like that.”


End file.
